i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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