i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
