Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
