weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I'm determined to sit on that face.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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