whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
