my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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