thus making me awesome and them whores
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
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