just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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