alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
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