Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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