Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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