our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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