well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
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