Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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