This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
