well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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