Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Randomize
