Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize