every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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