One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
