I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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