he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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