it's too hot outside to masturbate.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
