One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
