did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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