I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
