Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
