Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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