I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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