Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
