Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
