So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
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