hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
