her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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