My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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