Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
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