Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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