It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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