come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
