It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
