Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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