ya dads aren't the best wingmen
her vagine was all disorganized.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
