Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
