i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
