I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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