Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
