I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
