if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
