I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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