What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize