dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
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