did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize