Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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