i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Randomize
