I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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