Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
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