I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
