Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
