It's Friday. Sex?
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
