I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Randomize
