I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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