So gin and wine won't be happening again
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
