Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
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