ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
