We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
