i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize