so that wasnt chicken after all
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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