Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
