you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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