I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
