He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
