dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
